Greatest story ever told
Written by: Stolen from some comments section
One fateful day I was taking my pre-lunch personal time in the dining hall bathroom, minding my own business. There was another stall and two urinals available. All of a sudden, some guy Usain Bolts in and starts trying to tear my stall door off its hinges. After I yell that I'm in there he keeps pounding on the door and grunting softly, like a wounded ogre that's still enraged but's slowly running out of energy. I sat there scared shitless, as in not really scared but put off enough that I could no longer shit. Eventually he goes in the stall next to me and lets off the most disgusting-sounding, vile-smelling shit I have ever witnessed. If I were to use onomotopia, I would say that he "fffffLLERRRRRRRRRRPPPPed." As I sat staring at the stall wall, comprehending the disaster next to me, the guy sprints right out of the bathroom without even washing his hands. I yelled "flush the toilet asshole!" and resolved to do it myself once the post traumatic stress wore off. With the determined composure of a cop bursting into an armed suspect's house I plunged into the stall, and what I saw would shock even the most experienced pooper. This was no toilet, but actually an old, out-of-service janitor's shower where they used to fill up mop buckets. This man had left a massive, dripping elephant dung piled in the center and splashed all over the place. I can't imagine how some poor bastard cleaned this up, but there's no way he did a good enough job- that shit will probably haunt that bathroom until the end of time.