Alicia Silverstone

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Contents

Once upon a time she was hot.

Then she was gone.

What the hell happened?

Researches across the globe have studied what has now become known as hotchickvanishinitus. This seemingly awful diagnosis has since been applied to other people, but no one has stood out more than Alicia. Most would agree that it would be a fair trade if Alicia could be cured and Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay Lohan could become infected.

Mandy Moore don't leave us like Alicia did. Please stay.


Hotness Level by Year

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Year Rating (1-10) Notes
2000+  ??? IMDB says she has done stuff, but has anyone seen it? In some photos on the web she looks good in 2005, like maybe a 8/10. It's hard to gauge her hotness after that. All of the most recent photos of her are at red carpet events in front of those bright lights that make everyone look like ass.
1999 8 Blast from the Past was kind to her looks.
1998 N/A There is a rumor that Hiro from Heroes went back into the past, abducted her as a sex slave and then returned her in 1999.(Citation Needed)
1997 8 She was hot in Excess Baggage even though it sucked, but she better not dare ever fucking touch another Batman movie...
1996 9 She was on TV a bit as herself getting fame from Clueless, but not doing any film work.
1995 9.5 Clueless had her wearing a lot of little and tight stuff.
1994 9 Well, perhaps she didn't get hotter, but those three damn videos were still playing on MTV.
1993 8 Dear Aerosmith, thank you for those three videos.
1992 7 At age 15, Alicia takes the starring role in the film The Crush, which is not released until 1993. When the film is finally released, America collectively masturbates to pictures of her... even though she's not legal.


Theories of her disappearance

Before any of these can be put into a section called We know where the hell she went we need to have sources.

Abducted by aliens

I doubt that this is the case, but honestly who knows. She was here and then gone missing. Maybe it was those Simpson aliens Kang and Kodos. I suppose it could have been Marvin the Martian, but I doubt he could pull it off. I mean he can't even kill Daffy Duck. The last potential hijackers I can think of are those fucking idiots Ignignokt and Err. You know, those puzzle-shaped fucktards that call themselves the Mooninites.(Citation Needed)

Tom Cruise

It is possible she wasn't into him and he had her "taken care of". No one gets away from Tom. No one.(Citation Needed)

She was on the Titanic

If I recall it was about a billion years since she did something that anyone has seen. Perhaps she was on the Titanic as it went down.(Citation Needed)

Witness Protection

She was actually an assassin for hire. She decided to turn on her past clients when they stopped letting her act. The police put her into protective custody and shipped her off to the uncharted areas of Alaska.(Citation Needed)

Alive and Well

It has been suggested that Alicia Silverstone is still alive and still very hot, but that her television and film career has stalled. She has been sighted at various Hollywood events as recently as December 2nd, 2007. The photo up above was supposedly taken at the premier of the 2005 movie North Country and apparently shows Silverstone to be alive and well, but making some terrible fashion decisions.(Citation Needed)

Murdered by PETA

A very popular theory suggests that Silverstone, a noted vegetarian, was murdered by PETA when she was caught eating Syd Lexia's dick.(Citation Needed)

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