The Best Quotes of Syd
The Best Quotes of Syd was a thread started by Tebor on the SydLexia.com forums in September 2005. It was an attempt to catalog forum members' favorite Syd Lexia quotes. Those quotes, and perhaps some new ones, can be found below.
The Animals' Christmas Eve
- "According to mainstream Christian beliefs, all dogs in fact do NOT go to Heaven. Since animals do not have the capacity to make moral judgments, they are not considered to have souls. Thus, they cannot get in God's kingdom. So if your grandmother ever promised you that your poor dead kitty would be waiting for you in great hereafter, she's a lying cunt. Punch her. If she's already passed on to the next world, dig up her bones and punch them. That'll teach her."
A Boy & His Blob
"I have too much pride to waste my time waving a giant dick at toxic Hershey kisses."
- "From left to right: Medaman, Co-Devil, Bon-Bon, and Ice Cream Cone."
- "And sometimes, the Devil is a bright blue winged creature in red spandex who likes to dance; I guess Lucifer moonlights as a Mexican wrestler."
- "Everyone fucking likes candy. Even diabetics, that’s why so many of them die.”
- "Your mom. And then he totally brags about it to God." - In response to what does conor obrest do in his spare time?
- "Step 1: Place the tonfa in your hands. Step 2: Hit people with them. Repeat Step 2 as necessary."
- "This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture."
Girls of the NES
- "Samus taught us that a girl doesn't need brains to be successful. Brains are giant, evil, and vulnerable to missiles."
Guess What? Color Bars Fucking Suck.
- "Murder isn’t something as trivial as fur, meat, or oil; it’s Freddy Fucking Krueger."
- "Sometimes, an enemy will drop a pill when it's defeated. Now, I don't know about the rest of you, but when I see unmarked prescription drugs on the ground, I shove that son of a bitch in my mouth and dry-swallow it quick as can be."
- "Giant Cat is so incredibly ruthless that it throws its own kittens at you."
- "Apparently, the only things that get into Heaven in Dark World are dynamite and witches."
- "But wait, there's a girl in the box! Mark's reward is a sex slave! Bert is the coolest friend EVER!"
- "It's a pleasant waste of time and you can use it an excuse not to watch bad horror movies. 'Dude, I just rented House of the Dead, you gotta come over and watch it!' Fuck you, man. I think I'll go play Monster Party."
The Mortal Kombat Fatality Extravaganza
- "'Here Liu Kang, have a kid. Instead of killing you, I'm going to give you a large financial burden. Isn't that nice of me? You're gonna have to find a real job too, because competing in death tournaments won't set a good example for your new son.' There's nothing friendly about this at all. Fuck you, Raiden."
- "Yes, MUSIC is the weapon. And not in the metaphorical sense."
- "Still others, who believe The Man really is out to get them, were pissed off that Aerosmith was chosen as the face of rebellion instead of some shitty punk band like The Sex Pistols."
- "Once you unite with Aerosmith, things should be pretty easy. With Joe Perry's guitar solos, Steven Tyler's stage presence, and your overpriced consumer products, there's NO FUCKING WAY that the New Order Nation will win."
- "Not only do you get to play hero, you also get to play investigative reporter! Kick open bathroom stalls and harass Tom Hamilton! Catch Steven Tyler cheating on his wife! It's like you're Brenda Starr, only without all the uninvited sexual advances. Later in the game you get to help Joey Kramer bury a dead hooker in the desert. It's not as fun as you might think."
- "Aerosmith furiously play 'Eat the Rich' over and over again, but their raw, edgy sound fails to make any heads explode."
- "The three key locations are: The Pacific Rim, The Amazon, and The Middle East. Strangely enough, none of these locations are accessible by car. If only you hadn't trashed that stolen helicopter, you dumbass."
- "I have no idea why ninjas would work for Helga. I thought ninjas were all about freedom of expression."
- "This level's boss is kinda weak. It's just a giant bug. After all the other freaky shit in this level, I was hoping for something more interesting, like maybe a giant radioactive clown that tries to sodomize you."
- "If I really wanted to shoot angry, man-hating bitches then I'd go to Lilith Fair."
- "SydLexia.com does not condone throwing saw blades at people."
Syd Lexia vs. Batman Cereal
- "girls are a lot like food; the older they get, the more likely it is that you'll give you some disease."
- "Compared to Batman cereal, Cap'n Crunch is like eating pillows. This stuff was designed to actually *rape* the inside of your mouth, to rip it open like a hymen and make you bleed."
Syd Lexia's Super Lucky Emo Band Names
- "Emo is whatever I fucking say it is."
- "Your first opponent is the waterfall! Press start to defeat it!"